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The older you get, the more jobs you work, the more exes you have (& the more blog posts you write and lit readings you perform at, the more students you teach) the more Sometimes People you tend to accumulate in your life. It’s awkward and painful when there is a big disparity, like, you realize that someone you really want to be close to sees you as a Sometimes Friend, or, you can see someone making a lot of effort to be your friend and you know that you just don’t the emotional processing power or time to do the same. Rejection of someone’s sincerely-offered friendship or being excluded from someplace you want to belong will never happen without emotional friction, and I think it’s good to be able to acknowledge those feelings within yourself and grieve for what might have been. But I’ve found that it’s sometimes possible to find equilibrium with minimal social friction, and I think there is a lot of good that can come from learning to be okay with having some people be just Sometimes People in your life and in being other people’s Sometimes Person without a lot of negotiation or discussion.
#618: My ex is pushing me out of our friend group. | Captain Awkward (via brutereason)

killthehype-breathe:

To All the Little Black Girls With Big Names by Sha’Condria “iCon” Sibley (for Quvenzhane’ Wallis).

As book and poetry lovers know, words and names have power far beyond the syllables and sounds they seem to be. The way we use and value words and names says a lot about how we treat and value the things or people associated with them. To counteract the de-meaning (and demeaning) of black girls’ names, Tumblr user subconsciouscelebrity provided this list (and you can see how the conversation that followed the list here):

The meanings of a few names that people would typically think are ghetto and meaningless

LAKEISHA: a swahili name meaning “favorite one”

LATEEFAH: a north african name meaning “gentle and pleasant”

LATONIA: a latin name. latonia was the mother of diana in roman mythology

LATISHA: means “happiness”

TAKIYA: a north african name meaning “righteous”

ESHE. African Swahili name meaning “immortal”

KALISHA. Probably from the Galla word kalisha “sorcerer, wizard, witch doctor, magician”

LEENA (لينا). Another spelling of Arabic Lina (q.v.), meaning “softness.” In use in Africa.

MAKENA. African Kikuyu name meaning “the happy one.”

NIA. African Swahili name meaning “intention, life purpose, mind.”

MONIFA. African Yoruba name, meaning “I am luck,” from mo “I,” and ifa “profit, luck.”

NUBIA. Unisex. African. From the name of the country Nubia, meaning “land of gold,” from the Coptic word for gold.

AYANA : Ethiopian female name meaning “beautiful flower.”

SHANIKA. Unisex. African Bantu name, probably meaning “young one from the wilderness.”

SALINA. African. A name in use in Kenya. It may mean “merciful.”

TAMEKA. Another spelling of the African Congo name Tamika (q.v.), meaning “a twin,”

TAMELA. African Zulu name meaning “she who basks in the sun,”

AMARA. f. African. From the Swahili word amara, meaning “urgent business.”
Hindu. name meaning “immortal.”
African. Ethiopian. Amharic amari, meaning “agreeable, pleasing.”

CHICHI f Western African, Igbo
Diminutive of Igbo names beginning with the element Chi meaning “God”.

IMANI f & m Eastern African, Swahili, African American
Means “faith” in Swahili, ultimately of Arabic origin.

AZIZA f means “Respected. Darling.” Muslim,African, Egyptian, Arabic, Somali name meaning “gorgeous.

DALIA/DALILA f means “Gentle.”
African, Arabic, American, Egyptian, Spanish, African, Hebrew

BIBI : An East African female name meaning “daughter of a king.” Also a Kiswahili word meaning “lady” or “grandmother.”

ADA : Ibo of Nigeria name for firstborn females.

ZENA : Ethiopian name meaning “news” or “fame.”

JAMILAH f means “Beautiful.”
Arabic, Muslim, African

KALIFA f means “Chaste; holy.”
African

RASHIDI/RASHIDA f means
“Wise.” Egyptian African Swahili name meaning “righteous.”

TAJ means “Crown.”
Indian,Sanskrit, African

FATUMA : Popular Swahili and Somali versions of the name Muslim name, FATIMA, meaning “weaned.”

NANA : Ghanaian name meaning “mother of the Earth.”

AJA : High Priestess of Mecca.

ADINA : Amharic of Ethiopia word sometimes used as a female name, meaning “she has saved.”

BALINDA : A Rutooro of Uganda name meaning “patience, endurance, fortitude.” (Balinda is also used as a male name in Uganda.)

FANTA : Guinea and Cote D’Ivoire name meaning “beautiful day.”

KAYA : Ghanaian name meaning “stay and don’t go back.”

LAYLA , LAILA , LEYLA , LEILA : Swahili and Muslim name meaning “born at night.”

SHANI : Swahili name meaning “marvelous.”

ANAYA : Ibo of Eastern Nigeria name meaning “look up to God.”

TANISHA , TANI : Hausa of W. Africa name meaning “born on Monday.”

ZAKIYA : Swahili name meaning “smart, intelligent.”

TITI : Nigerian name meaning “flower.”

SAFIA , SAFIYA , SAFIYEH , SAFIYYAH : Swahili and Arabic name meaning “pure and wise” or “lion’s share.”

LULU : Swahili and Muslim name meaning “pearl” or “precious.”

KADIJA , KHADIJA : Swahili name meaning “born prematurely.”

AMINA : Somali and Muslim female name meaning “trustful, honest” and referring to Muhammed’s mother. This name is popular with the Hausa of West Africa.

(Source: acupofpoetry)

These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we don’t hurt men’s feelings. Don’t say, “Men oppress women” – that’s sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, “Some men oppress women.” Whatever you do, don’t generalise. That’s something men do. Not all men – just somemen.

This type of semantic squabbling is a very effective way of getting women to shut up. After all, most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other people’s feelings ahead of our own. We aren’t supposed to say what we think if there’s a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that “you’re not one of those men who hate women”.

What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.

You can be the gentlest, sweetest man in the world yet still benefit from sexism. That’s how oppression works.

Of course all men don’t hate women. But all men must know they benefit from sexism (via brute-reason)

from the same article:

"The appropriate response when somebody demands a change in that unfair system is to listen, rather than turning away or yelling, as a child might, that it’s not your fault."

"Anger is an entirely appropriate response to learning that you’re implicated in a system that oppresses women – but the solution isn’t to direct that anger back at women."

(via becauseheiscalling)

On being easy

dearcoquette:

Some advice: if you fuck on the first-date, he probably won’t come back for a second. If the sex was hot and he does come back enjoy becoming fuck-buddies, because by fucking on the first-date, you’ve essentially told him by your actions: “I’m easy and definitely not the type of girl you’ll be wanting to take-home or marry, because anyone who I find attractive and who picks up the bill, I’ll let fuck me.”


I’m glad that you read my twitter, and I can appreciate the brass balls it takes to offer someone like me unsolicited advice, but honey, not only are you in way over your head, you’re also wrong about life.

I fuck who I fuck when I fuck because I wanna fuck, and I don’t give a flying fuck whether the people I fuck think I’m the marrying type. That doesn’t make me easy. That makes me hard.

I am the one in command of my own sexual virtue. I am the one who defines that virtue. No one else gets a say in it — not you, not the world, and certainly not some guy I allowed the privilege of fucking me on the first date.

Everything you believe to be true about sexual virtue is a tragic lie instilled in you by a misogynistic, patriarchal culture that is fundamentally terrified of female sexuality, and that bullshit needs to be systematically unlearned. I’d feel sorry for you if you weren’t making yourself part of the problem by spreading around this kind of ignorant, regressive poison.

reblogging with love. coke talk's i-don't-have-time-for-your-shit attitude is a thing of awesome power and beauty and i need to spread it around to everyone every time i can find it.

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